


Dead Memories

by gokkyun



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Angst, Canon Disabled Character, Frotting, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-10
Updated: 2015-10-10
Packaged: 2018-04-25 16:29:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4968115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gokkyun/pseuds/gokkyun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Venom is familiar albeit different.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dead Memories

**Author's Note:**

> OKAY my first attempt at VKaz - with some heavy BBKaz in between because I just can't see the ship work in another way. I've actually written this over the course of a few days in around 4 hours which is really unusual for me but I just couldn't find the grasp of it and I'm still not 100 % happy with it. But then again, I never am. 
> 
> Set during TPP and also TPP ending spoilers. Not that PWP actually, just a lot of feelings during some, y'know, sexual activities. Enjoy!

A soft melody, together with rough guitar strings that are accompanied by joyful words presses through the door in front of him. Hearing this music during these late hours isn't uncommon to him anymore, in fact, it would surprise him to not hear it. It's become one of Kaz's habits, to forget everything around him when he's working, listening to no one and nothing besides his carefully selected tapes, drowning his stress and his sorrows in paperwork. Venom isn't sure if Kaz truly enjoys being distracted by countless contracts, bills and other managing issues, or if it's just the easiest way for him to forget about everything that has happened to him in the past years - even if just for a few hours every day, those hours in which Kaz appreciates solitude more than anything. 

It's weird, almost uncomfortably so, as Venom enters Kaz's office without being called out upon. The younger man is way too distracted by his papers and it offers Venom a rare sight, even to him, his eyes fixated on the black pen in Kaz's fingertips at first. Kaz's concentration is bundled up in them, playing around with the pen as he leads it to his full lips, biting down on its end like he is trying to solve the world's greatest mystery. It's only then that Venom notices that Kaz isn't wearing his glasses, hollow eyes shining dull in the light of the desk-lamp, the rest of the room dark around him. It's not the only thing that Kaz isn't wearing, the long coat hanging on the chair he's sitting on - but Venom's favorite thing about the whole picture has got to be Kaz's hair, freed from his beret and tied into an almost ridiculously perfect ponytail. 

Venom can't help but smile as Kaz starts to quietly hum along to the song still playing on the radio as he leans further over the messy papers on his desk, setting his pen to write a couple of things down. It's not long before he drops the pen carelessly, leaning back into his chair with an exhausted sigh. Venom's smile grows as Kaz's face freezes in return, finally noticing the intruder.

"How long have you been standing there?"; Kaz asks with an angry tone in his voice, hand hitting the Stop button on the cassette radio before he grabs his glasses, placing them on his nose in haste. 

"I don't know. Maybe you should ask the guards that I positioned in front of your office for your own safety. Oh wait.", Venom says, sarcastically, giving Kaz a reproachful look. 

Kaz clears his throat, averting his gaze for a second. "They don't need to stick around that late, it's a waste of their time. They are both incredibly skilled, I'd much rather use them in the Combat Unit anyways.", Kaz explains, then patting against the weapon holster in front of his chest. "Besides, I have a gun and I don't think I would be an intruder's first target.". 

Clicking his tongue, Venom steps closer to the large, polished desk. "It's nice that you have a gun and I know just how well you can still use it, but that's not of much use when you don't even hear what's going on around you.". 

"Yeah, I get it.", Kaz growls with annoyance, his ungloved fingertips disappearing under his glasses as they rub his eye. "What are you doing here, anyways?". 

"Making sure you're not killing yourself by eventually stuffing these papers into your mouth because you're fed up of them.", Venom says as he steps behind Kaz's chair, handing Kaz his cane before grabbing the man's coat and his beret, holding onto it so Kaz doesn't have to bother. "Although I gotta say it's rather amusing seeing you sit here, humming to ... who's that? Led Zeppelin?". Venom's golden bionic hand then reaches forward, softly brushing over Kaz's blond ponytail. "And how did you manage to make such a neat ponytail?". 

With a huff of air, Kaz brushes Venom's hand away, the metal cold against his worn-out fingers. "I have a lot of time on my hands - - on my hand when I'm trying to figure out what to write in these reports, before I eventually stuff them into my mouth.", Kaz explains, a snort following his words. He looks from Venom to the papers spread over his desk; there are multiple piles, some with small notes on them. A sigh leaves his mouth as he leans onto his cane, using it to stand up with a groan. He stretches his back, then bending it forward, the sound of his bones cracking echoing through the room. "Let's get going before I die of old age.".

They do as Kaz says, the younger man locking the door behind them before they make their way through the building's silent corridor, their footsteps the only noise. 

Venom's eye doesn't leave Kaz, it never really does when they're together. It's obvious that the man is even more exhausted tonight than he usually is, eyes half-lidded behind his glasses like he is about to fall asleep while walking. His slouching movement is especially bad today and it worries Venom - it's a sign that Kaz has trouble sleeping, trouble concentrating, trouble doing anything properly. "How are you?", he asks, voice soft. He knows by Kaz's behavior so far that he won't share his troubles, but he also knows that Kaz appreciates Venom asking, worrying. Even though he'll never admit it. Not even to himself. 

"Tired.", Kaz simply says. Of course he knows that Venom wants to hear about Kaz's mental state, his physical state, about how his day went but Kaz isn't in the mood for it. He isn't in the mood for any of this. They - that man next to him and Kaz himself - had grown quite fond of each other in the past months, he would even dare to say that they got close on a level that went beyond simple caring and occasional sex and yet Kaz has those days when he can't deal with it. Can't deal with the way Venom is like Big Boss - no, John, since the world now has two of them - and is so unlike him at the same time. 

It sickens Kaz. In a way he can't describe. He knows just as well as Venom himself knows by now that the man who used to be a simple medic is Big Boss only in name, and that he would never truly be the real thing. And yet he reminds Kaz of John. 

Kaz realizes this, once again, as he looks to his side, Venom's eye staring back at him with the same deep blue that John has; and yet it looks back at Kaz in a completely different way. The blue of Venom is soft, compassionate and sympathetic even. John's on the other side makes Kaz shiver just thinking about it - raw power and lust but with the faintest hint of - what seemed eternal - affection. 

The hand Kaz now feels on his back is another sign of how different the two men who claim to be Big Boss are. Venom's fleshen hand caresses over his back, up to his shoulders, the touch gentle. However gentle it may be and however much Kaz wants to lean against it, wants to feel safe and comfortable and maybe even loved, he decides against it, taking a step to his side and out of Venom's reach. It's one of the days where he refuses the other man's touches because his subconsciousness reminds him that Venom, as much as Kaz has grown to appreciate him, is a compensation to him. And Venom didn't deserve this. Kaz didn't deserve him. 

"At least tell me how your body is doing.", Venom then says, voice and face still soft, even after Kaz's obvious refusal. These issues, they are nothing new to Venom and yet he has a hard time reacting to them. He doesn't mind them though, just like he doesn't mind Kaz's infatuation towards the real Big Boss. Of course Kaz would never admit this, but Venom knows how the younger man works by now. He recognizes the lingering affection in his voice when Kaz talks about John, how his words are poison but the tone of his voice is the antidote at the same time. 

A sharp inhale of breath from Kaz's side pulls Venom out of his thoughts as they enter their shared quarters. "It's -", Kaz starts, slightly hesitating to tell Venom more but giving in. "-my back is hurting really badly lately. I don't know if it's got to do with me sitting in that forsaken chair all day, but I can't stop walking like I'm turning eighty years any moment.", his voice sounds distressed as he forces himself to stand straight in the middle of the room. It results into another crack of his back and a frustrated sigh.

Venom chuckles before he throws Kaz's coat and beret, on which he was still holding onto, on a chair next to the door. He steps closer to Kaz then, placing his hands on the man's hips, who immediately tries to squirm free of the tight grip. "Kaz.", Venom grunts, watching closely as Kaz's lips spread in mild surprise. This tone in Venom's voice, rough and forceful, it always causes Kaz to listen up for some reason. Maybe it makes him sound like Big Boss - the real one - more than Venom knows.

"Let me.", Venom then continues, voice softer now but still demanding. 

A defeated sigh presses past his lips as Kaz gives Venom his permission with a whispered "Fine". He watches with half-hearted interest as the older man's hands undo the pistol belt wrapped around his upper body, throwing it onto the chair, joining Kaz's beret, coat and the single glove hidden inside one of its pockets. Venom's hands are swift to do the same with Kaz's tie, vest and shirt, softly sliding the latter two of Kaz's aching shoulders. 

Kaz swallows down a sigh as he feels the contrast of Venom's warm and cold hand on his skin, travelling from his lower back up to his shoulders, giving them a rough squeeze. The older man's real hand then wanders onto Kaz's arm, removing the bandages there and revealing the scar tissue. "How's it?", Venom asks him, gaze wandering to it as he softly massages the skin with his warm hand. 

"Cold. I'm lacking so much temperature because the arm's ... gone.", Kaz answers, swift and simple, refusing to say more as he feels his voice already breaking under the soft touches of the other man. 

"Alright.", Venom says before he leads Kaz towards the fairly large bed they are - usually - sharing. He sits Kaz down, taking the man's cane and leaning it against the wall next to the bed, then kneeling down in front of Kaz, untying both of his shoes and removing them from Kaz's foot and his peg leg. Venom then makes quick work of removing the latter from Kaz's stump, Kaz grunting during the process, the feeling still uncomfortable. "Get on your stomach.". 

Kaz is about to protest, but decides against it, knowing he didn't really have a choice anyways. It's one of these points where Venom was incredibly similar to John - both of them would always get their way with him. Of course, Venom is a lot gentler in his way of doing so. 

As soon as Kaz lies down onto the bed, he feels Venom sitting down on his lower back - not with his full weight of course. It's not a mere second later that Kaz's feels them on his skin - Venom's hands. He has felt them on his skin earlier and yet the difference between their temperatures causes a soft sensation inside of Kaz's body. The urge to lean against them rises faster than he would like to as well, every move a gentle touch. His mind tells him not to do it though, these hands one of the major things that remind Kaz of the fact that Venom isn't John.

Venom's fleshen hand is large and calloused, its skin rough against Kaz's mostly smooth skin despite the small scars he has gained over the course of his life. Despite that roughness, the touches that are now being applied to Kaz's back feel so soft and precise and wonderful that he feels a comfortable heat rushing through his body. It feels like he's going to melt into the touch, soft shivers rushing through his body. It's in these moments that Kaz realizes that it's not only his dumb and foolish allegiance towards John that makes him refuse Venom's touches during some days. It's also the guilt that spreads through his stomach, the guilt of a man other than John making him feel this way, the guilt of having fallen in love with a man he first viewed as a consolation tool. 

The soft moan that presses past Kaz's lips makes him lose track of his thoughts. He wants to stop thinking, wants to enjoy the way Venom's thumbs and finger pads wander along his spine in slow and even strokes, but his mind is wandering between two men that are Big Boss. It always does.

"Kaz", Venom grunts from above him now and the way it's John's voice and at the same time isn't causes Kaz to remove his sunglasses from his face, just to press his face into the pillows, frustration and desire equal in his mind. "Try to relax.". He wants to comply to these words, wants to relax, but the more he lets himself sink into the feeling of bliss spreading through him, the worse all of this gets, because he won't be able to hold his voice back and these touches will turn into something far more intimate.

He can't have that. Not today. Because it's during these moments that Kaz's mind becomes completely blank and clouded, body so sensitive and mind so lost in his pleasure that he's having a hard time to tell the difference between Venom and John. He feels John's disgustingly wonderful lips on his neck, the feeling only distorted by the deep scar on them, but at the same time he feels Venom's careful hands, reminding him that this isn't John, that it might never be John touching him like this again. 

Swallowing hard, Kaz's hand grabs the pillow his face is pressed into, holding onto it, hand shaking just a badly as his voice, softly moaning and whimpering into the fabric. He feels like crying out, feels like his thoughts as well as the touches that have now travelled to his shoulders are about to destroy him in the most horrible and at the same time best way possible. 

However much Kaz wants to silence the sighs pushing past his lips, they are still very present for Venom, listening closely as they fill the air around them. By now Venom knows the spots and knots on Kaz's back that makes the other man softly arch his back from the bed, shoulders tense with refusal this time around, relaxing more and more with every touch nevertheless. It's not the only part of the younger man's body that seems to slowly but certainly let the touches sink into him, as Venom notices the subtle movement of the hips below him, slowly lifting up before pushing into the mattress, joined by Kaz's soft grunts. 

Getting off Kaz and kneeling onto the bed now, his hands on the man's shoulders, Venom gently rolls Kaz on his back. He ignores the soft sounds of protest that the younger man presses past his lips, the bulge of his erection pressing against his pants looking almost painful. Venom's hand presses against it without losing a second thought, softly rubbing it through the fabric of the green pants. The movement of his hand is soon stopped, Kaz's warm fingers wrapping around his wrist. "You don't have to - not today -", Kaz says, almost breathless. Venom's eye travels from Kaz's hand up to the man's face, the flush on his cheekbones heavy, betrayed by the lack of his sunglasses and the ponytail keeping the blond strands out of his face. 

"I want to. Besides, the tension in you will only make your body feel worse.", Venom explains, voice calm despite the intoxicating picture his eye is taking in as of right now. He moves to open Kaz's belt then, the hand on his wrist too weak to hold him in place. Kaz clicks his tongue in frustration and instead uses his hand to cover his eyes, mouth forming silent words - curses probably - under his breath. With Kaz's belt as well as the trousers open now, Venom pulls them and the underwear down, freeing the man's swollen cock, slightly twitching. 

There's a sharp gasp, almost a whimper coming from Kaz as Venom's fleshen fingers slides softly over his cock. He feels the older man's warm hand wrap around him then and he can't help but to press his eyes together as he bucks his hips forward into the touch, as if he has no other choice. The other man's hand is warm and gentle around him as it starts to move, lightly increasing speed and pressure every time it travels up and down his whole length, thumb teasingly pressing against his cock's tip. 

Kaz swallows as he removes his hand from his eyes, immediately meeting Venom's blue eye that's looking down on him, so soft that it makes him shiver. It feels wrong, so wrong that he averts his gaze, settling it between his spread legs - or what's left of them - Venom kneeling between them. A frown settles on his face soon, his hand reaching forward to harshly squeeze Venom's cock through the fabric of his army-pattern pants, hard and firm against his touch, before looking back into the older man's face, his mouth parted thanks to a low moan. "Don't tell me to take care of mine when yours is just as bad.", Kaz says. 

"What can I say", Venom says, soft gasps interrupting his sentence as Kaz's hand strokes him through his pants, rough and methodically, "I'm better at giving than receiving.". 

Kaz's frown intensifies at those words. "Son of a …", he grunts as his hand makes quick work of Venom's fly, quite happy that the other man is too comfortable to wear belts outside of missions. He then pulls the trousers just below Venom's ass, revealing the man's cock. "Come on.", Kaz whispers as he digs his hand into Venom's black shirt, pulling the man closer and further between his legs. Feeling the other man's heat even more now, Kaz groans roughly, his own cock twitching against the warm but rough hand still wrapped around it. "Press them together.", he swallows. "Please.". 

Venom simply nods before leaning over Kaz, resting his bionic arm next to the man's head as he pushes his hips forward, roughly rubbing his cock against Kaz's. Both of them moan then, Kaz's moan turning into a desperate whimper as Venom wraps his hand around both of their erections, pressing them together, his heart starting to pound against his chest and in his ears as Kaz's hand joins in as well. They both begin to stroke then, their rhythms of a different kind but slowly adjusting to each other. 

Kaz can't resist the urge to grind his hips forward unashamed, pushing into his own and Venom's hand and the other man's twitching cock. The way both of their hands are wrapped around each other while rubbing and moving up and down with fast and steady movements, producing this perfect and much needed friction, it makes Kaz's head slip into that blank state that hates and yet craves so much. 

He shivers and whimpers as he feels Venom burying his head in the crook of his neck. Kaz's head is swimming, the hot breath against his skin feeling like John's as Venom's lips press against his neck. It feels so similar to how John did it and Kaz wants to cry out when he feels the other man's teeth digging into his sensitive skin - but instead he lets another throaty moan slip past his dry lips. 

"Snake -", Kaz whispers then and it's not a mere second later that he feels Venom's lips press against his own, the older man knowing exactly what the word and the tone it's said in meant. It was Kaz's way of softly pleading for redemption in the form of Venom's lips, because he needed them, wanted them, so badly, but couldn't say it. After all it was one of those days, were his mind and body were fixated on what was in the past, so every touch from Venom felt like literal venom to his mind that's still clinging onto John deep down inside of him. 

That feeling of craving for the man whom he was with nine years ago vanishes at this point, Kaz blissfully sighing into the kiss. His tongue immediately slips between their mouths, trailing over the deep scar on Venom's lips to reassure him that this wasn't John. The other man's tongue joins in soon enough and Kaz appreciates it, appreciates how the kiss grows hungry and intense as their tongues move against each other, messy and familiar and unlike the way John's tongue used to move against Kaz's. 

Unable to breathe as a warm feeling spreads in his lower region soon, Kaz pulls away from kiss, pressing his own sweaty forehead against Venom's, a dull pain travelling through him as he scratches his skin on the man's odd shrapnel horn. The adrenaline forming in him makes him ignore this though, his grip tightening around his and Venom's cock that twitches just as badly as his own. His hips jerk forward then, just like Venom's, both of them releasing themselves onto Kaz's stomach with erratic moans and warm breaths clashing against each other's lips. 

"I'm sorry ...", Kaz says, voice shaking and breath hitching in his throat. "... that you have to put up with me like this.". 

"And I'm sorry that I'm not him.", Venom replies, and Kaz feels how the other man presses his forehead harder against Kaz's own. 

Kaz places a soft, single kiss on Venom's scarred lips before pulling his head away far enough to look into Venom's blue eye, soft and caring. He doesn't see John in that single eye and as much as he wishes he would, he says "I don't want you to be.".

It used to be a lie.


End file.
